can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Randomize
