i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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