How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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