so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
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I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
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After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me