i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.