How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
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I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
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you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.