did you get engaged???
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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