i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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