I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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