I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
