I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
