it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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