Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
