After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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