Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
