you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
