You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We're too hungover to prance.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
