Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
porn star boner night. come get it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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