I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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