If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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