I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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