i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
