My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
