i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
