I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
