ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
