dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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