that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
