what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
