I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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