we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
