He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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