Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
