does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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