what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
