Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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