I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
