Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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