I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
