he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
