i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Gay?
German.
Pity.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
