She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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