there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
