maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
