return my video game
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
