My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Also, beer. Big fan.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
