hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
