My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
