I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i dont even know how to be here
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
