my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Who died my cat blue again?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I did not marry a roomba.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
