i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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