I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
