We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
