then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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