I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
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Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
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Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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