Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
