I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
