fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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