DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
