I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
where are my eyebrows?
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