it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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