I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
