You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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