You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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