I'm lost and stupid without you.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
