She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
