i jhust puked up my retainher.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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