It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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