I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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