Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
