I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
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I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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