Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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