how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
