he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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